I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
