In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
