I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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