He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
