I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
