i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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