please come you make the beer taste better
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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