she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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