Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
