if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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