is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
