So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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