Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
