Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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