i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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