you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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