Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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