Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
