i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
