Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
