Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can't motorboat a personality
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
