My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
