Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How's work?
Spinning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
