u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
