well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
