Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
