i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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