Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
