You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
