I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
