How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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