I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
