Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
