but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
