Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
