wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
