All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
