he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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