i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
