Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
worst night to have a conscience
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
