you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
