we have pet lesbian snakes
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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