Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
