i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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