Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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