So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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