So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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