I wish I could punch you in the face.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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