and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
