Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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