Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
