He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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