i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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