one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
