we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
