she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
