As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
