To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
