The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
