In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Girls should come with a carfax report
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
