Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she looked like the before picture.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
