Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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