I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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