I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he puts the penis in happiness.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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