He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
