kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
