yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
