I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
