just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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