Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If that was your dad, he is hot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
