I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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