return my video game
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
