I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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