I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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