I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
