Plan B is the new Plan A
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
