The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize