Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
