what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
