I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
