idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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