Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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